by Chad D. Olson
Just over 5 years ago, an accidental fire all but devoured the historic tabernacle in Provo. Its outer walls were still standing, barely. The interior had been completely gutted. In the subsequent months, this devastating loss raised many questions of what would become of this historic landmark built in 1885. The decision was made not only to rebuild the tabernacle, but transform it into a temple (A holy place of worship within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). Significant time was spent analyzing how this was going to take place. Steps were taken in order to preserve as much of the exterior of the building as possible, but reinforcements were added to strengthen the brick walls. These exterior walls were placed on 40 foot pillars until a new foundation could be built.
After multiple years, the finished project stands as a reminder that beauty truly can rise from ashes. This incredible architectural accomplishment has caused me to reflect symbolically on the many couples who feel their marriages have been destroyed due to various factors. They wonder if there is any hope of salvaging their marriage. While every situation is different, the transformation of this mostly destroyed tabernacle to a stunning temple engenders hope that a devastated marriage can someday be a stronger and more satisfying marriage than either spouse ever could have imagined. But how can couples who feel their marriage is lost make this transformation? I think there are at least four valuable lessons that can be learned from the Provo Tabernacle turned temple process:
1. Couples must take time to analyze and plan how they will rebuild their marriage. Before the Provo Temple Project was ever undertaken, there was a clear picture of what they expected that building to look like. Couples must also have a clear vision of where they want their marriage to end up. Couples should spend time discussing the future of their marriage and they may even write down their vision of what they want their marriage to become.
2. Work! Work! Work! Once the plan is in place, there is no adequate replacement for hard work. Successful marriages do not occur randomly; they are the result of couples doing specific things to rebuild their marriage. Dr. Bill Doherty from the University of Minnesota calls this principle “The Intentional Family.” The tabernacle didn’t become the temple overnight, it took lots of time. But couples cannot expect that the passage of time alone will drastically change the marriage; it takes a specific plan that is worked on every day!
3. Determine what foundation you want your marriage to be built upon. Your marriage will only be as strong as its foundation, so take the time to decide what’s most important to you both. While some adhere to the belief that “opposites attract,” the research tells us that the most successful and happy couples have their core beliefs and practices in common with each other. Although the walls and roof of a building are important, the focus has to be on the foundation first. So, when rebuilding a marriage, leave the less important differences for later and focus on building a solid foundation. One consideration is to start on rebuilding the friendship as many researchers have discovered that a great friendship makes a solid foundation.
4. Pay attention to details! Once the plan is developed and you are working to rebuild your foundation, remember the details. I love the simple quote, “The little things are the big things.” And in trying to transform a marriage that seems doomed for destruction, this principle is very true. Be thoughtful of one another and reach out in love to your spouse.
If couples are willing to both make an effort to rebuild their marriage after it has been devastated by some tragedy, the result can be an incredibly satisfying relationship that both spouses are proud of. In fact, the relationship that came out of the ashes, can be more beautiful than the one that burned. As couples consider and act upon these four principles, they will experience the hope and the realization of this marvelous transformation.
