Courtship Is a Ritual:

According to the Oxford Dictionary, courtship is “a period during which a couple develops a romantic relationship, especially with a view to marriage.” But notice—it’s not about getting married. It’s about fostering connection with marriage in mind. That connection doesn’t stop after the wedding. In fact, courtship should continue throughout marriage as a way to reinforce commitment, affection, and intimacy over time.

Love doesn’t sustain itself automatically—it requires conscious investment. Courtship rituals are one way couples build emotional equity over time. Whether you’re dating, newly married, or years into your partnership, taking a moment to reflect on your current courtship rituals can be powerful. Are you intentionally investing in your connection? Do you have consistent, meaningful ways to nurture each other? If not, it’s never too late to create new rituals that bring joy and depth to your relationship.

Couples who actively celebrate their relationship tend to feel more connected, resilient, and satisfied. Anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays can be important milestones, but everyday rituals—like date nights—are where lasting intimacy grows. If you’re unsure where to start, my podcast episodes on Twelve Love Rituals Before Christmas and Fourteen Days to Valentine’s Day are full of simple, practical ideas.

Dating isn’t just for courtship—it’s a crucial practice for ongoing connection. Couples who continue dating after becoming exclusive report higher levels of happiness and resilience. The marriage covenant is a commitment, but it’s not a guarantee of closeness or joy. Regular dates are like emotional tune-ups—time to reconnect, share dreams, laugh, and keep romance alive.

When couples come into therapy feeling disconnected, one pattern emerges repeatedly: they stopped dating. Despite good intentions, many let date night fall through due to lack of time, money, ideas, or childcare. Yet those same couples still make it to work, church, or other obligations. The difference? Prioritization. Until date night becomes non-negotiable, it will keep getting postponed or treated as an afterthought.

1. Put It on the Calendar—And Don’t Move It

Block out five hours each week. Treat it like church or work—set, sacred, and pre-scheduled.

2. Preplan the Details Together

Alternate who plans, confirm childcare, agree on a budget, and finalize the activity beforehand to eliminate last-minute stress.

3. Create a Shared Bucket List

Keep a running list of fun, meaningful, or adventurous ideas. That way, you’re never stuck in the “What do you want to do?” cycle.

4. Define a Purpose for the Night

Use the time to connect deeply—talk about goals, changes, needs, or joys. Date night should nourish your relationship, not just fill time.

If you’re struggling to maintain connection, start by recommitting to the rituals of courtship. Set the time aside, plan with purpose, and keep showing up. Your relationship deserves that level of care. Dating your partner again—week after week—is one of the most powerful ways to build the love story you’ve always wanted.

All couples face conflict. But if you can learn to manage emotional flooding, you can turn fights into opportunities for closeness. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to win each other’s hearts over and over again.