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How Does Your Marriage Grow?:
What Gardening Can Teach Us About Nurturing Relationships
Chad Olson, LMFT
From Garden Beds To Relationship Roots
I’m no gardening expert, but the process of growing a garden offers simple and powerful lessons for how we cultivate our relationships. If Mary knows how her garden grows, we should also be able to answer: How do our relationships grow? The steps are basic—prepare the soil, plant the seeds, nourish the growth, pull the weeds, and eventually enjoy the fruit. These steps apply not just to gardens but to marriages, friendships, and family bonds.
Step 1: Prepare The Soil—Strengthen The Friendship
Even if you’re already in a relationship, it’s never too late to prepare the soil. Like gardeners who re-fertilize each year, relationships also need consistent nourishment. One of the best ways to do this is by focusing on the friendship. Many couples lose sight of the simple, enjoyable connection they once had. To fall back in love, act like friends again—have fun together, offer compliments, stay involved in each other’s lives, and show up during difficult times. Friendships form the foundation for love to grow.
Step 2: Plant The Seeds—Invest Your Time
We can’t expect a harvest if we never plant anything. Relationships grow when we invest time into them. Just like seeds in the soil, relationships require patience and regular care. There are no shortcuts—consistent time spent together is what allows deeper connection to take root. Whether it's setting aside time for conversation, date nights, or shared activities, time is one of the greatest gifts we can give to those we care about.
Step 3: Nurture And Weed—Care And Correct With Love
Nurturing involves consistent attention—like watering, checking in, and showing we care. Ask questions. Listen closely. Follow up. These small acts show genuine concern and build trust. But relationships, like gardens, also gather weeds—selfishness, unresolved conflict, poor communication, financial tension, or parenting disagreements. Left alone, these weeds can choke out connection. Removing them may take time and outside help, but it’s worth the effort. Just like in gardening, the cleanup can be incredibly rewarding.
Step 4: Enjoy The Fruit—And The Process
When we’ve invested time and effort, the joy of a healthy relationship is deeply fulfilling. Just like homegrown produce tastes better than store-bought, relationships we’ve cultivated with care feel more meaningful because of our personal investment. And it’s not just about the harvest—enjoy the process too. Celebrate the small victories: a meaningful conversation, a moment of laughter, or a resolved disagreement. Relationships are living things, and with care, they can become life’s most rewarding experience.