Facts vs. Opinions in Marriage:

A fact is True. Facts are independent of feelings. Facts are verifiable & consistent. Facts are drastically different from opinions & Strongly held beliefs. Opinions are shaped by our feelings, our history, our world views, past conversations. Opinions can change with information.

In conflict, it’s easy to confuse opinions with facts. If you believe that your strongly held belief is also the truth you will cause harm to relationship. If you hold spouse hostage to opinions you effectively stop dialogue & begin monologue or talking for both of you.

If you can state facts and question the opinions you hold you will be a master communicator & the following will happen:

• Communicate more clearly
• Find Romance in conflict
• Get to a deeper connection
• Solve problems faster

Facts:

• Can be observed or verified by anyone
• Are specific and measurable
• Don’t depend on how you feel about them

Examples of Facts:

• “You came home at 8:30 p.m.”
• “You didn’t respond to my text until the next day.”
• “The dishes were still in the sink at 9:00 p.m.”.

Opinions / Interpretations:

• Are shaped by feelings, beliefs, and past experiences
• May or may not be accurate
• Can change as emotions or perspectives change

Examples of Opinions / Interpretations:

• “You came home late because you don’t care about me.”
• “You ignored my text on purpose.”
• “You left the dishes because you’re lazy.”

We mix facts and opinions when:

• Strong emotions feel like proof of Truth. What I believe must be true.
• Seeing past conversations as proof your assumptions are still true now.
• We stop checking if our interpretation matches reality with spouse.
• We stop checking for misunderstanding by assuming being right
  Repeating our version of the story makes it feel right.

1. State the Fact First: Describe only what could be seen or recorded.
2. Share Your Feeling: Use “I feel…” to explain your emotional reaction.
3. Ask, Don’t Assume: Check your interpretation with your partner.

Example:

Instead of: “You ignored my text on purpose.”

Say: “You didn’t reply to my text until the next day, and I felt unimportant. Were you busy or upset with me?”

Tip: In heated moments, pause and ask yourself:

• “Am I stating what happened, or what I think it means?”