Confident Gifting:

When Gifting Feels More Stressful Than Joyful

As the holidays approach, gift giving is on many of our minds. While it’s meant to be a joyful and selfless act, I must confess—what I often feel is not excitement, but angst. What makes it harder? My spouse’s love language is gift giving. As he heads off to shop with enthusiasm, I trail behind like Scrooge, groaning with every aisle.

After some self-reflection, I’ve concluded that I suffer from gift-giving apprehension—and I know I’m not alone. Many people experience this same tension, caught between wanting to show love and fearing their gift will miss the mark.

Why So Many Of Us Feel Mixed Emotions

According to research in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, gift giving can strengthen close relationships. Yet many people also report anxiety, fearing their gifts will disappoint rather than delight. This fear often leads us to overspend, mistakenly believing that a higher price tag equates to greater thoughtfulness. However, research by Flynn and Adams in the study “Money Can’t Buy Love” shows that recipients don’t link gift cost with appreciation. Instead, people perceive thoughtfulness through effort, not expense.

How To Show Someone You Truly Care

So, how does a recipient know you’ve put effort into their gift? You tell them—with sincerity and intention.

Try phrases like:

• “This caught my eye and instantly reminded me of you.”

• “I made this especially for you to celebrate our favorite memory.”

• “I spent time looking for just the right thing, and I was thrilled to find this.”

These statements convey meaning and care, no matter the monetary value of the gift.

Let Your Message And Effort Lead The Way

1. Consider The Message You Want To Send

Choose something that represents your appreciation or brings back a meaningful memory. This could be a sentimental object, a favorite treat, or even a simple note paired with something personal. The message matters more than the item.

2. Focus On What They Might Need

Is your loved one overwhelmed? A gift that eases their burden—like a meal kit, a spa day, or a night of babysitting—could mean more than any physical item. Gifts that restore, relax, or relieve responsibilities often make the biggest impact.

3. Use Your Talents As Gifts

Never underestimate the value of your own skills. A handmade item, a music performance, a baked treat, or an offer to organize a space are all meaningful and memorable. These gifts reflect time, effort, and personal investment.

Confidence Comes From Intentional Giving

When you focus on how your gift will truly benefit the receiver, the fear of disappointing begins to fade. Most people will be touched simply by knowing you put thought into it. Whether spoken aloud or written in a heartfelt note, let your recipient feel your appreciation. And remember: the best gifts make life easier, not more complicated. Don’t just give a gift card to a spa—book the appointment. Drive them there. Make it easy to enjoy. When gifts are simple, intentional, and meaningful, you can give with confidence—and joy.