Choose Charity Over Conflict:

Coming into the Holiday season is an excellent time to reflect on your life’s purpose. In other articles, I’ve suggested that your governing purpose is the guiding star for your life’s direction; it is how you hold yourself accountable.

When I discuss life purposes with friends, family, & clients I serve, there is a theme that stands out. More than anything else, we want peace, kindness, and love in our day-to-day living.

There is a natural progression that flows from identifying the principle that is eternally connected to a specific desire. For example, if I want peace, love, and kindness, what natural law must I understand to increase the feelings of kindness, peace, and love?

By definition the principled character trait of charity is selfless, enduring love. Charity is the purest concern for another’s well being, that is expressed through compassion, generosity, and kindness.

If you cultivate charity, you will extinguish pride and unhealthy ego, contention will disappear from your life, and you will understand how to respond in such a way that your entire family system will lift toward light.

Some fear that charity offered but not reciprocated makes a doormat out of the charitable one. I promise you that if you can consistently trust in the principle of Charity, put in the work of responding with Charity, the reward will be that darkness of contention cannot stand up to the light of Charity. Change will happen.

How does charity cancel contention & increase love?

• Charity reframes your motive — Love is the motive, not being “right”.
• Charity slows reactivity — Gentleness & slowing everything down interrupts escalation.
• Charity validates the worth of others — restores dignity and finds common ground. Conflict erodes value.
• Charity creates safety — Safety opens the door for conversation & resolution through agreements.

When we choose charity, we say: “I value you more than winning this argument.”

With Halloween bringing families together for Halloween activities, Thanksgiving being a time to consider all we are grateful for, and Christmas being a time for Christians to reflect on the Prince of Peace, while those outside the Christian tradition enjoy Winter gatherings with family.

I challenge you to take a moment and consider those you surround yourself with. Think of ways that exercising Charity can propel you toward peace, love, and kindness. Consider the question: would you rather compete “be right” or would you rather be charitable and become the change you want to see?